I Can't Make You Love Me

Just give me time to give up this fight.

I am more wretched than I thought I could ever be.

Again, falling under the illusion that this could work out, I have no more control over my own emotions.

But I know this is not right nor do I have any chance in getting out this fight alive.

Yet droplets of you keep seeping into my empty heart.

Overflow with thoughts of what could be and what should be, 

I spend every languishing days searching for traces of you that you left behind. 

I need you. Or I shall say, I need you to need me.

all i want.

And too many times, I have wanted
To turn around and walk away
Knowing deep inside
You can't provide what I need from you anyway

But do you know
It doesn't change
The way I feel about you at the end of the day
Because I know that all I want is what you got
All I want is what you got

contradictions.

i dont wanna lose control
i just wanna touch your soul
I do, I do

I just wanna hold you when the goings tough
I just wanna love you when your not enough
I just wanna give you all that I can give
I do, I do

bitch.

cupid is a bitch.
love is a bitch.

it happens at the most inappropriate time and on the most unsuitable person.

and i will never be able to escape from being its slave.
it drugs me with temporal happiness and kills me softly with jealousy and dread.

it manipulates me with emotions.

im nothing but a puppet under the name of love.

but this time, i wont let it leads me.
becoz i wont let myself label it as love.
i wont allow myself to indulge in false hope and idealization.

this is the new me today.
not 2 years ago.

my strength

upon entering university, i got to know many more people than i used to.
some that you instantly begin a friendship with, some that inspire you intellectually and these are the ones that i hold most dearly.

they ignite your passion that has almost died out, they inspire you in the most surprising way and they always, always get it.

i have to confess, im in a chaotic mental state with many aspirations but too little time.
these people does not pull me back to the ground or reality but instead hold my hand tightly amid all the craziness in life.

they are the source of strength that i hold onto.

indeed, friendships are not measured by the length of acquaintance.

anger

anger and frustration has become my friends these days.
the fact that i can't hv enough rest nor find motivation or time to study is bothering me much more than i can handle.
ugh.
hope i can initiate a change after bazaar.

present

everything that we know of slowly slip out of our grip yet we refuse to believe that is the case.
what the majority of us do now doesn't make sense if we are fully aware of the shortness of our lives.

we waste time sitting down watching bad movies for hours.
we spent many waking moments reminiscing our past or anticipating the future.
we do not grasp the opportunities as we see them but instead hesitate and before we know it, they are gone.

we rarely focus on the present, which ironically, is what we really have.
we never enjoy the present moment as it is - missed it when trying to capture it with a camera, when we are lost in our other thoughts, when we can't look past all the hustle and bustle of our lives to enjoy life as it really is.

this is the problem of our generation.
this is the underlying reason for my persistant hollowness.
and that, is something that i need to work on my whole life.