excited.

i have just done my interview for cuhk english faculty.
the professors are great but i still kinda regret appearing too ambitious (??)
maybe i should have been more humble but never mind.
a girl who also had an interview told me only marginal cases are interviewed which scared the sh*t out of me.
i kinda thought it was a pretty safe choice.
never mind :\

my first choice is hku ba and i have been super excited  abt it.
maybe im not ready for law - yet.
i hope i will be after 4 years.

anyways im so glad i did not put cityu law as my first choice.
a lot of people are glad too - my teachers, my parents and my relatives.
it really has a not-so-good reputation and i always think i dun belong at cityu.

it is unpredictable that i would choose such a path.
but i feel like im on the right track for the first time in many years :)

dream that never comes true.

it was ridiculously unreal.
i did not expect at all to get the lowest and the highest grade in the components of a single subject.
(overall grade still stinks)
why is it chinese?
why?
i was more than shocked.
i still couldn't accept it.

as for english, while many of my friends managed to secure two stars, i got 1 only. so what was the use of the english prize? to remind me how i lost my most important battle?

as for other subjects, i got what i expected yet still has an unsatisfied feeling in my gut.

dse doesn't define me. i know i know.
but it still hurts to see what i dreamt abt shattered in pieces.

i just hope i still have a shot at cityu law.

please be over.

dse was over before i knew it.
and i know 7.15 will be over before i know it.

i hate waiting.
one of my biggest flaws is patience.
i dun have the patience to wait and see the result of my 6-year effort.
okay im probably bluffing - at least 2-year effort.

on the 15th of july, my dream may be crashed. i may never ever have a shot at pursuing a career in law.
or, i will be starting my first step towards my dream.

fingers crossed.

if all else fail, uk will be waiting for my return.

primary schoolmates gathering.

post-dse life has been very busy and a bit messy.
grad book and scotland took away much of my time.
but i managed to squeeze some time and attend a primary schoolmates gathering.

some people never ever change.
mean girls are still mean girls who think their are on the top of the world.
im a bitch - i expect their fall one day.
smart-asses are still smart-asses who remain the center of attention of teachers.
stupid people are still full of themselves and attach themselves to others that seem to be on a higher position on the ladder.

im happy some people are still as friendly as i remember.
we had a nice chat.

but i guess i changed a lot myself.

im not the little girl that you can bully into a corner anymore.
im not the one who will cry herself to sleep over others' inmature actions and statements.
i wasn't smart enough back then to avoid trouble - i seemed to be the trouble-seeker to be exact.
i screwed with the wrong people.
i messed up all my friendships.
i was lonely.

but now i manage to find the right people to be friends with.
real friends with amazing attitudes.
i stand up for myself.
i try my best to accomplish what i want badly.
i can deal with being alone because that doesn't mean im lonely.
im much stronger and tougher.

f*ck the haters who stood in my way.